A Life Without You
by Bhryn Astairre
Summary: [oneshot] Tifa has trouble with reality, but isn't that for the best? R'n'R would be pretty nice!


_------ A Life without You ------_

_(A/N: I am so totally into Aerith and Tifa pairings its silly... GAH!)_

_"Kiss me sweet, I'm sleeping in silence  
__All alone, in ice and snow  
__In my dream, I'm calling your name  
__You are my love..._

_In your eyes I search for my memory  
__Lost in pain, so far in scenery  
__Hold me tight, and swear again and again  
__We'll never be apart..._

_If you could touch my feathers softly  
__I'll give you my love...  
__We set sail in the darkness of the night  
__Out to the sea, to find me there  
__To find you there,  
__Love me now, if you dare..._

_Kiss me sweet, I'm sleeping in sorrow  
__All alone, to see you tomorrow  
__In my dream, I'm calling your name  
__You are my love..."  
-__Eri Itou_

_--------------------------------------_

"Aerith, Aerith!" she called and threw open the door, "Happy Valentine's day!"

But the room was dusty and empty. The bed was made, neat and untouched, the windows spotless and the dresser with a vase, lonely, cracked, not a single flower inside the curving flute that had been crafted once upon a time by weary but loving hands, painted pink and green to match the cheerful theme of what was a cheerful but lonely room. She slowed her breathing and lowered the posy of flowers, feeling distracted. "Aerith?" she called again.

There was no answer apart from Yuffie's footsteps, sharp on the wood on the floor and crisp with each motion. A hand took the flowers from her gently and a voice cut through the strange calm of the room, "Tifa, Cloud's awake."

"But..." she gestured at the room, "...but where is Aerith?"

"Just come, alright?"

She was led as a lamb, from the room to somewhere distant, thoughts trailing after her like lonely puppy dogs, whimpering softly as Cloud, pale and sat up in bed, hands shaking still, confirmed what the nagging voice inside her told her, fermenting the ice and stabbing her harshly with it. Stab. Stab. Stab.

She'd gone.

She'd left her.

Somewhere in the far brutal north, in the chill of February, she shuddered back from the image of Aerith slogging through sleet and snow, trying to get to some place which didn't care if she was good or pure or honest, just the harsh elements beating on her mercilessly. Her hands clenched.

"We go after her then," she said firmly and everyone agreed, even Cloud eventually agreed. She wouldn't have taken no for an answer.

Possibly because it was empty suddenly without that warmth to fill the vacancy at her side: without someone to laugh at her and smile gently. Something had been pulled from her life and she wanted it back as soon as possible. So they found the city spoken of soon enough, trudging wearily around until dark fell and they found an entrance which had previously been covered.

She spent her time planning to get Aerith the prettiest flowers she could, or a plot of land where she could cultivate her magic. She'd even picked up brochures when they'd passed through Costa del Sol in a hurry to be where Aerith was.

Only there she was on the altar, and suddenly, there was Cloud trying to kill her. Voices screamed at him and even more, putting her heart to rest, as Sephiroth appeared she could have sworn on any holy book you handed her, that Aerith glanced her way before the sword slid home, before the blood stained her pink dress and before the eyes shut forever with a sigh, soft. Everything about the Ancient had been soft...

But she figured it was all a dream, right?

Aerith said she'd be back someday.

Tifa had no reason to doubt her... so they carried on. Like robots of war, wading on from injury to injury, they kept going. They kept moving. She didn't know how to stop...

-----------------

Her arms were filled with varied colours of pinks which she brought back to their room at Fort Condor as they were hunting down the huge materia. Cloud and Barrett looked up at her, curious expressions on their faces, for a travelling merchant had been quite happy to do business with her for hard earned, good gil. Tifa placed the fold of cloth onto the table and beamed happily, starting to sort through the colours.

"I didn't know you liked pink," Cloud said curiously, reaching to touch some of the pale red silk.

"I don't," she replied, a touch smugly.

"Then wha's with all the pink, Teef?" asked the bigger man.

Tifa folded over bits she intended to use for a beautiful shirt she knew would be appreciated and with a slight smile curving her ripe lips, she looked at them as if it should be completely obvious, "Don't be so coy."

"No, really... what's it for?"

"I thought she'd like a new dress."

Cloud's eyebrows rose, "Yuffie!"

"No, stupid," her voice was vaguely derogatory, turning hurriedly to reverence, "Aerith of course."

"..." Cloud looked across at Barrett who shrugged back. She paid them no mind and hauled a swathe of silk from the pile with a smile, "Right... Aerith..."

-_She'll love this colour..._

----------------

He was trying to tell her things that she should already know as they filed back onto the airship, but as the others crowded back on and Cid walked to wheel, she found herself stopping him by the simple means of inserting her hand somewhere it would be crushed if he decided to turn the wheel and move the ship.

"What the f- move your hand, girly," he snapped.

"We're not leaving yet."

"Why, ain't you two done professing your love yet? Jeez, us old folks ain't got much time 'tween one slash and snooze to bother with professing slowly... get it into gear."

Tifa shook her head, exasperated, "No, no... I mean, Aerith isn't back yet, we wouldn't go without her, right?"

"What?"

Vincent was there, this time pressing a flower into her hands and leading her from the wheel, she felt dazed, "Aerith left this for you," his gravel-honey tones said and she was lulled into calm by the idea that at least Aerith had left her something, "She said she can't make this last stretch, but perhaps later you can meet with her."

"Oh, well, she said.. I guess. Nice of her to think ahead though," Tifa said cheerfully, never once seeing the dark looks everyone else shared as Vincent walked her back to her rooms...

---------------

"It's a bit lonely here, I wonder what's keeping her," she mused softly from the prow of the Highwind as it dropped people off. She was bloody from fighting, but it was finally time to rest after Meteor had been expelled from the world and sleepily, she knew she was propped against Cloud and Yuffie, slung between the two in a casual sort of one armed hug to each.

"Tifa," Yuffie finally said, "She isn't coming back."

"Of course she is," the dark haired girl said firmly, "She said she would. I just have to wait a little longer. Just a little more."

---------------

Cloud found her finally, after days of searching; Tifa was sat on the edge of a cliff, dreamily smiling as she held a pink ribbon between her hands and let the wind sift through her hair, tilting her head to enjoy it as much as she possibly could. Then her dark eyes happened to catch sight of him and she dimpled a smile for him, mouth curving with sweetness that he found himself missing. It was the middle of winter and the air was freezing, but Tifa wore little more than her barmaid clothes.

"Tifa, you're going to freeze."

"But it's not that cold here, even Aerith doesn't mind."

"Aerith's gone," he said softly, "come on."

"No, she's not gone. You're lying!"

And she broke down sobbing, so all he could do was wait out the storm of tears and then carry her home to her bed, where she collapsed and slept, dreamlessly.

---------------

She burst through the door, flowers in hand and smiling, "Happy Valentine's Day!" she chirped.

But the room was empty.

Hadn't it happened this way, so long ago? Only a few days previously, she'd sent off Aerith's birthday card but the phone never rang to tell her that she loved the design and the hand painted little figures of them she'd spent hours laboriously agonising over, that the colours wouldn't be right, that...that...

She walked around the room a few times, surprised that she tracked the dust up with her feet and then she 'hmm'd' to herself, glancing around at the bed, the dust, the vase. It was a miracle this much of Aerith's home had survived, but she supposed, it was much like the miraculous Ancient her self. So she sat on the bed and called out, "Aerith?"

No one answered, ah well. Perhaps she'd catch her tomorrow.

Tifa laughed softly to herself and pulled out the diamond ring from her pocket, set with two emeralds that reminded her of Aerith's eyes. Last year, she had intended to ask the flower girl to share her life forever... this year, she'd tried again but just missed her it seemed. So she sighed and pocketed the ring once more, going down the stairs to find, to her surprise, that Cloud was at the bottom, looking sad.

"Cloud, have you seen Aerith? I wanted to surprise her..."

"Tifa, Aerith is dead."

She laughed softly, "Oh come on, silly jokes. She's not dead, just busy. Don't think you can compete for her affections with me by pulling such stupid jokes."

"Tifa, you've been like this for a year now... a year ago, she left, on this day, and then she died."

"..." Tifa looked around herself, and then back at Cloud, "I think someone didn't tell you when you were growing up, that it isn't very nice to lie. Excuse me, I promised her I would tend her flower patch."

But she didn't get further than falling between steps into sleep where soft arms cradled her and the 'ching' of the ring slipping from her pocket was lost among the drowning sounds of her fainting...

------------------

"It's a form of depressive dementia. She's... hallucinating would be a close description. So much sorrow, that the one act of watching someone she loves die, finally pushed her too far. Her mind, it grips with talons onto the memory of the girl, Aerith, and forces her to recognise that she's still alive. It's sad, but unless she can come to terms with the death of that girl, she'll never snap out of it. Otherwise, she's happy, healthy, productive... keep her in the house as much as you can and try to keep sharp items from a minimum around her."

She ignored the babble of the doctor who was talking to Cloud. Her elbow felt as though it had been punctured black and blue and shadows sat under her dark eyes, stubborn ones. Hair that was normally lustrous was faintly lank, she reminded herself to run a hot shower later and step into it.

But the ring she turned over and over in her hands when her eyes traversed up from the bar top of her small tavern, the new Seventh Heaven, to the smile of the person sat opposite, that everyone else was determined to ignore, and she smiled.

"Well?" she held up the ring.

_-"Only if I wear the dress."_ A giggle.

Tifa smiled as the person faded, holding the ring gently. So bright, it glinted at her and she knew she was crying, but she couldn't say why. What a beautiful Valentine's Day... what a beautiful wedding it would be...

_-...what a beautiful life without you..._


End file.
